[US-CO][WTS] Arrakis Systems Inc. ARC-15, 15 channel broadcast console. $2700 obo. PayPal
Pictures Manufacturer: Arrakis Systems Inc. Model: ARC-15 Location: Denver, CO Shipping To: USA Condition: Excellent Price: $2700 OBO Reason for Selling: Way too much board for my small time podcasting needs.
Reserve Bank of India has released a list of 34 forex brokers; which has been declared illegal
List of unauthorized forex trading apps and websites - RBI
Friends, recently the Reserve Bank of India has released a list of 34 forex brokers; which has been declared illegal. https://preview.redd.it/dc1l0ca388o91.jpg?width=637&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1a865302fede2fd22985b27c767481ecb4219204 Before releasing this list, RBI had done all checks regarding all transactions of all those forex brokers since February this year. Maybe this doesn't matter to you; Nevertheless, you should definitely check this list once. So see if your forex broker is not on this list! 👉 Here's a full list of unauthorized forex trading apps and websites
Alpari
AnyFX
Ava Trade
Binomo
e Toro
Exness
Expert Option
FBS
FinFxPro
Forex.com
Forex4money
Foxorex
FTMO
FVP Trade
FXPrimus
FXStreet
FXCm
FxNice
FXTM
HotFores
ibell Markets
IC Markets
iFOREX
IG Markets
IQ Option
NTS Forex Trading
Octa FX
Olymp Trade
TD Ameritrade
TP Global FX
Trade Sight FX
Urban Forex
Xm
XTB
Thanks for Reading. Please share your take on this.
I dont defend this douche guy, he deserve it for being an @sshole. Tapi ada yang punya kronologi jelasnya dia sebenarnya ngapain sebagai affliator binomo? Gua cari di berita isinya di luar konteks dan isinya "diduga" dan ga jelasin kronologi urutannya sampe urusan pacarnya segala. Ada yang bilang dia sebagai affliator meraup uang loss pemainnya. Gua ga ngerti soal app binomo tapi apa itu hasil loss bisa connect ke "kantong" dia? Apa dia jadi agen perantara ketiga macam judi bola? Does binomo even legal? I mean its legal in India. Dan konsepnya nyambung ke forex kan? Gua cuman pengen tahu aja ginian, bahkan telegram grup mayoritas kalangan "investor" begitu kan disangka tempat chat teroris dulu kan dan terus disuruh uninstall. I have trust issues because massive of propraganda we are facing rn.
Doing a re-read of Heretics this year and one thing that irked me when I was younger (and that I would thought would make more sense when I was older) was Sheanna's village. Specifically, it's built outside of Keen(Arakeen) on the literal sand. Building a village on sand, being silly enough, is an extra bad idea on Dune where the sandworms will definitely kill you. It's an important part of the first book because only the Fremen live in the deep desert and even then they live in caves where the worms can't get them. Why then does FH do a 180 on this and write Sheeana's village this way? He describes their only protection from the worms as being an "arc of moisture/water" which they have to renew regularly by dumping water on the sand. If this was always an option, why didn't the Fremen do it? Why would you waste water on Arrakis to protect a village built on literal sand?
Dune: did Frank Herbert just get bored while and give up while writing it?
TL:DR; >! Am I right in thinking that Herbert simply got bored and skipped to the end while writing Dune? !< Apologies for any spelling or grammar mistakes, it's after 1:20 as of the time I finished (weird night) and I can barely keep my eyes open. I recently reread Dune. Not because of the movie; I've been meaning to for a while and I was spurred on because I'm going to be GM'ing a Sci-Fi RPG and I've been cramming epic Sci-fi to try to find the right mindset. When I first read it, sometime around '00-'01, it was in a period when my ADHD made me miss parts of books. (Basically I'd be reading every word but they'd just go in through the eyes and out through the ears while my mind was busy elsewhere. Sometimes I'd do this with whole chapters). So I thought that was what I did with Dune. But now I've re-read it, 20 years later, and I realise that I missed surprisingly little. I thought I missed things like the 'Battle for Arrakis' and the lead-up to when Paul confronted the emperor and his entourage. I was expecting more of a war, etc, or at least more political manoeuvring, as had happened in the first half of the book. But I guess those things just weren't there. It feels like Herbert just got bored of the whole thing and wanted to end it ASAP. I thought Feyd Rautha would get more of an arc. Baron Vladimir had discussed plans for him with Thufir Hawat, the idea of sending him to Arrakis and, unwittingly, proposing to be filling the same kind of role that Paul was already filling. Instead the emperor, the Harkonnens, and the heads of the major houses, simply turned up at Arrakis, got caught in a storm, and Paul ended it. I get how sometimes life does just go the right way, especially>! for somebody who sees almost all of the possible futures.!< There was such a great build up throughout the first half of the book, maybe the first 2 thirds but then.... It was like watching somebody set up thousands of dominos into what promises to be a fantastic, masterful display, only to take out a huge broom and sweep them all up at once. And I don't get how a book with such a disappointing ending enjoys such amazing success. Has this been addressed before? Are the critics Herbert may have responded to over this? I can't be the only one who felt this way about it.
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Gak bisa dipungkiri sepanjang tahun 2020-2021 banyak orang memulai investasinya karena influence sosial media. Beruntung bagi yang memulai investasinya lebih awal dan agak celaka bagi yang mulai investasinya di akhir-akhir tanpa tau konsekuensinya. Banyak kasus orang beli saham pake pinjol. Beli BTC, Altcoin pake utangan, uang arisan, bahkan sumbangan gereja. my advice for you yang kena FOMO: Miner musiman: Ketika crypto turun drastis di Januari-Februari 2022. Segera jual alat miningmu karena kamu harus menunggu 2024 untuk bisa panen. Karena ketika kamu beli mining rig sekarang harganya sudah naik berkali-kali lipat dari harga wajarnya. Perhitungkan kembali listrik yang harus kamu keluarkan, Gak BEP istilahnya. Contoh nyata Founder Rekeningku yang boncos bertahun-tahun karena nutupin biaya listrik dan beli mining rig kemahalan, baru panen akhir2 ini. Robot trading: Royal Q , Forex dll. Robot trading is scam, jauhi sekarang sebelum terlambat. Janji manis seller Royal Q dan robot forex profit konisten itu gak ada buktinya 100% scam. Kisah nyata banyak yg bunuh diri karena tiba-tiba assetnya hilang diaveraging oleh robot. Jangan sampai kamu jadi korbannya Trader Binomo, Binary option: Kamu yang baru memulai binary option, inilah saatnya dirimu keluar dari sistem jahat Judi 2.0 mungkin diawal kamu akan merasakan profit namun lama kelamaan akan susah dan tiba-tiba akun tersuspen tanpa sebab. Jelakanya gak ada yg bisa jamin akunmu balik karena Binomo dan lainnya jelas ilegal di Indonesia sehingga penyedia layanan tidak diketahui siapa. Trader Saham musiman via signal telegram : Saham ada bull market dan bearish market, lengkapi dirimu dengan FA dan TA tambah bandarmology juga. Investing stock is about your move, bukan orang lain. Jadi pastikan semua keputusan investasi kamu yang buat bukan orang lain. Trader Crypto: Bear market is coming, we need to understand what crypto still alive for next 4 Years(next halving) DCA still the best strategy for you. We will face the second Bull Run but dont fall for it to much, cause second bull run means next winter season. note: I hope yall getting more profit and healthy. May the Force be with you
When a piece of storytelling manages to become regarded as 'one of the Greats' in our fiction tradition, it receives a number of privileges. In Great books, mistakes that would otherwise be denounced as poor writing are charitably interpreted as creative flourishes. In Great books, errors in pacing and structure that would otherwise cause another book to be dropped are tolerated. For Great books, people will jump through hoop after hoop to rationalize their five star rating, even when they'll admit to not enjoying vast parts of the experience. As much as it may sound like it, this is not a complaint about Great books. Almost all of them are stories of astounding creative virtue, well deserving their place on our bookshelves and our imaginations. Instead this is a critique on how we put them on a pedestal; how we do not dare to see their flaws, or imagine that we could do better. But why not? Who does it serve to keep them from our scrutiny, when they, out of all the stories in the world, have the most to teach us? Kaizen is a Japanese term that means continuous improvement, and it represents the belief that with constant iterative conversations about what we can do better, we can reap immense benefits over time. This series is an attempt to embody that sentiment in the context of story critiques, in the scope of an online community. I cannot promise that my perspective will match yours or that all my ideas will be good, but hopefully by reading and participating in the conversation, we'll all get better at thinking about stories. Apologies beforehand. This is going to be long. And definitely more controversial than the last one.
Spoilery Preface:
Let me be clear about thoughts on Dune right from the start. It's great! ...at some things. Not so much at others. Dune's best quality is its worldbuilding. The barren world of Arrakis, the Bedouin/early human society paralleling Fremen, the future-sight spice and the Guild of drug addicted spacefarers, the genetically and religiously indoctrinating Bene-Gesserit witch women, even the computerless era of high technology... all of these aspects are composed with such thought and detail that the story drips imagination igniting implications every other sentence. Other stories look meek and unimaginative in comparison, and it is of a brand and style that has not been replicated since. My personal favorite facet of worldbuilding in Dune is how water is treated, especially by the Fremen. I don't think I've ever read another book that has ever made a group of humans feel so alien and human at the same time. The initial shock of their behavior, then the inevitable understanding of why they act that way; both build the Fremen culture to be more alien and real than any other fictional human culture I can think of. That being said, Dune still has plenty of other strengths besides its worldbuilding. Although old school scifi prose isn't the style I prefer to read, Herbert's writing effectively immerses me in the world of Dune. The heat of the desert, the cool but rare relief of water, even the unstoppable religious fervor behind Paul's rise; his descriptions and prose drums the themes and motifs of the story into the reader's mind. And on top of his evocative delivery, there are a lot of killer lines in this book. 'Fear is the mindkiller' is an easy one to quote. I can easily imagine someone loving this style of writing. Again, while I wouldn't call any of Dune's characters a personal favorite, not a single one is written without accuracy or realism to human behavior. Even the women of the story -which are treated as second class citizens in the world of Dune with terrible accuracy to human history- have great scenes of agency and characterization. I especially like how Herbert simultaneously uses of thoughts, dialogue, and body language to express the intelligence & duplicity of his characters, and I also think Paul is a interesting take on the Chosen One trope (which I usually dislike) as he is both fearful of, and powerless to resist, his role as the Kwisatz Haderach/Lisan Al'Gaib. Again, I can easily imagine someone loving the character work in this book. So if all that's good, what's the problem with Dune? I would say, 'the plot', but it's a little more complicated than that. At a glance, the story structure of Dune appears to be a fairly by-the-book execution of the Hero's Journey. The fall of House Atreides, Paul escaping and finding his place with the Fremen, his eventual rise to power... all the major beats of Dune line up well with the classic monomyth. In combination with quality worldbuilding, prose, and character work, that's usually a winning formula. Yet despite all that it had going for it, Dune struggled to be published for years. And when it finally was, it was done so by an automobile repair manual publisher, and initial sales were so lackluster that the editor that pushed for Dune's publication got fired. Why did Dune sell poorly? A myriad of reasons I'm sure, but I'd say mainly because it's a hard book to get into. When a book is described as 'hard to get into', people often take that to mean the book has really difficult prose. And rightly so; there are a ton of books out there with unintuitive writing styles and archaic language. But that's not Dune's problem. Dune is plenty readable, especially when compared to other sci-fi stories from its era. (like Asimov; prose as dry as cardboard) Another common reason people describe a novel as 'hard to get into' is because it has a terrible hook. A lot of old books have some really, really, slow starts. But that's not Dune's problem either. There's a ton of exciting questions set up within the first few pages and the story starts with the gom jabbar ritual. That's no soft start! So why is Dune hard to get into? The first reason is information overload. Herbert loves dropping a boatload of names, factions, and places, and by the time you're done with the first chapter, your head is spinning from all the details you've read. For me, it took until halfway through my second reading before all the terms really clicked. But that's Dune, and I would never suggest changing that about it since it's all part of the immaculate worldbuilding it's known for. Some readers will look at all the capital letters on the first page and give up. That's ok. They weren't the intended audience anyways. The second reason is the real killer, and it concerns readers who weren't turned off by the information overload. Like the previous group, they were also confused by all the pronouns Herbert drops in the initial chapters, but instead of giving up, they decided to give the book a chance. Maybe they'll pick it up as they go along, they think. After all, they can keep up with Paul's story, even if all that stuff about CHOAM directorship and melange and Lisan Al'Gaib went over their heads. (This was literally me in highschool, btw.) Many of these readers burn out by the end of Act One because -and I think anyone who has actually read the books will attest to this- the plot progression of Dune is poorly executed. There is no build-up, no sense of progress, no drama- the events of the story are causally connected, but they don'tfeellike it. Things just... happen. This is the aforementioned problem with the plot, and if you're part of the second group of readers, also the main reason why you'll drop the book. But let me talk about it some more. The reason Dune has these sequence issues is because it wasn't initially written as a novel. Originally, Dune was written as a three part serial for a monthly magazine, which was then mashed into a single book. You can see evidence of its former structure in the table of contents; the three acts are called 'Book One: Dune', 'Book Two: Muad'dib', 'Book Three: The Prophet'. Now, it's possible to change the format of your story like this without any problems, but it's not always easy and can result in some 'translation' errors. Kind of similar in vein to the problems faced by novel adaptations. However, there's also a case to be made that Dune is simply... underwritten. How is that possible, when the book is over 600 pages long? Well, 600 pages is long for a book, but it's short for a epic trilogy. That's right. I'm saying Dune is an underwritten trilogy. This isn't as big a leap as you'd think. Many standalone novels are well designed for an expansion into a three book series. Act One turns into Book One, Act Two turns into Book Two, Act Three turns into Book Three. Then each one of the books is given their own internal three act structure; it's almost like a fractal pattern. And here's the thing. Even beyond the titling of the acts, Dune already does this. Each of the three Books aligns perfectly with what I just described above, with internal arcs and everything.
Book one's conflict is the House Atreides fall on Arrakis, with the B-plot of Paul losing his home and being thrust into the path of his 'terrible purpose'.
Book two is Paul learning to survive on his own, with the B-plot of learning what becoming Maud'dib/Usul.
Book three is the war for Arrakis, with the B-plot of Paul becoming Kwisatz Haderach/Lisan Al'Gaib.
And the overarching conflict for the whole trilogy is Paul's Hero's Journey (with the books split between Separation, Initiation, and Return; check out this diagram to see the monomyth structure) with a B-plot that can be summarized by words from Herbert himself: 'I am showing you the superhero syndrome and your own participation in it.'
If a comparable military sci-fi book runs about 75,000 words per book and 225,000 words per trilogy, you can see how Dune's ~190,000 wordcount is actually a little short. Especially since its prose isn't particularly terse or economical. Dense but underwritten is how I see Dune. Further evidence of Dune's underwritten quality can be found in its third act. Not only is it the shortest of the three that make up Dune, it barrels towards its conclusion with an out-of-character directness and swiftness. I suppose it's possible to interpret the shift in pacing as a artistic representation of Paul manifesting his god-like soothsaying powers, and there may in-world explanations as to why all of Paul's enemies were conveniently gathered in one place, but I cannot be the only one who felt that his victory felt all too sudden and easy. Touching on that point a little further, the early chapters set up the Harkonnens as the immediate rival for House Atreides, with the emperor pulling both their strings in background. This is a clear 1-2 set up for a short term and long term antagonist combo, and a typical combination for longform series. Contemporary examples can be found in the Marvel cinematic universe, with each of the Infinity Stone villains leading up to Thanos being textbook examples. Dune, on the other hand, skips right to the endgame villain and leaves the Harkonnens to exit the story with but a whimper. *Personally, I would've made Dune cover Paul's victory over only the Harkonnens and leave his victory over the Emperor to the end of the series, but that would require commentary on his later books which are... interesting and beyond the scope of this essay. This example is again, touches back to the progression issue that underlies the entirety of Dune. For all that it does an amazing job with worldbuilding, character, and prose, the proper execution of buildup and payoff feels all wrong. It makes the story lack intensity, despite objectively having most or all of the necessary pieces. So with the understanding that I view Dune as an underwritten trilogy with plot/sequence issues, let's get into it.
Kaizen Version; Book One: Dune
A few goals to identify before we begin.
First, keep the third person omniscient style, including the chapter headings from the future.
Second, the Duke must die.
Third, Doctor Yueh must betray them.
Fourth, generally the same plotlines, worldbuilding, etc.
With that in mind, let's begin. Dune starts off with Paul eavesdropping on a conversation between his mother and a Bene Gesserit witch. Here we learn about their upcoming move to Arrakis, his mother teaching him use of the Voice, the potential existence of the Kwisatz Haderach, the first inkling of his 'terrible purpose', then ending with the gom jabbar ritual. I think the writing could be tighter for an introduction scene, but all of this information is good because it sets up a lot of questions and promise for the trilogy to come. The next scene is that of the Baron discussing with his mentat how Arrakis is a trap. Followed quickly by a succession of interactions between Paul and various retainers of House Atreides as they all imply great worry over their move to Arrakis. It ends with the introduction of Dr. Yueh the traitor. This is a great sequence that quickly establishes the main conflict of Book One as well as the central cast of characters. Nothing needs to be changed here as well. Then the Duke arrives, and this is where I suggest fairly radical change. Personally, I think the Duke is a massively underserved character that ought to have played a much more active and central role in Book One. So much so that the reader would be deceived into thinking that he is actually the main character, even as they know he is eventually going to be betrayed. Not convinced? Well, there is another character we can look to for example. Ned Stark from A Song of Ice and Fire. Just like the Duke, Ned is the virtuous patriarch of a noble household who is sent away from their home to foreign lands on order of their king and dies due to betrayal and treachery. In fact, their stories are so similar in conception that I assume G.R.R.M. was inspired by Dune. And I think G.R.R.M. did it better too, because he managed to convince the readers that Ned Stark was going to be a ongoing main character despite surrounding him with a mountain of foreshadowing otherwise. Which meant when Ned died, the shock of his death really drove home the loss of childhood and safety for the Stark children in an excellent 'crossing of the threshold' moment for the series as a whole. Dune, while having the same plotline, fails to have a quarter of the same impact. And that's simply a missed opportunity. Now at this point, I'm sure some of you will point out the fundamental differences between Dune and ASOIAF. Mainly that the former story reveals the identity of the traitor long before the betrayal even happens, and the latter doesn't. But that doesn't matter, really. As I'm sure we all learned in school with Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, knowing the ending beforehand doesn't remove tension. It simply heightens dramatic irony -the tension we feel from knowing information that the characters do not. Also, there is always the allure of finding out exactly how things play out. That Dune's first act lacks tension is a failure in execution, not an issue with setup. This is also a good time to talk about the third person omniscient POV, I suppose, as one of the main reasons ASOIAF could sell Ned as a ongoing main character was because he received his own perspective chapters. But Dune doesn't have to give up its omniscient style to put Duke Leto in the driver's seat for the first book. It just needs to put him center stage a greater percentage of the time, like they do with Paul in later parts of the book. Which brings me to how Duke Leto might be expanded in role. The reason why Ned Stark successfully played a main character in ASOIAF was largely because he had a reason for a long plotline. Mainly his investigation into the death of Jon Arryn and the lineage of Cersei's children. And though he was only around for one book, he made so much progress during that time that he forced the hands of other characters into killing him. In comparison, Duke Leto does have the goal of ensuring that his house survives and thrives on Arrakis, but that's rather vague and his scenes don't indicate much progress. He saves some spice harvesters, suspects some traitors, has a dinner, then dies. In fact, the reason for his death occurred before the start of the book. He barely affects the world around him while he's on the page. But the setup is there, right? As he works to rebuild Arrakis after the Harkonnen's leave, Leto finds evidence of sabotage and investigates to find the culprit. In my revised version, I would have three main plotlines for Book One, one each for Leto, Jessica, and Paul.
Leto working to rebuild Arrakis by day and investigating the source of sabotages by night.
Jessica figuring out that the Fremen view her and her family as prophesied religious figure, and attempting to figure out which one of the retainers is a traitor.
Paul piecing together the Fremen terraforming secret, as well as dealing with prophetic dreams of Jamis and Chani.
Also in my version Leto and Jessica would be the ones initially identified as the prophetic figures, which would help convince the audience that Leto may survive the betrayal and have an ongoing part to play through the whole story. Of course, the prophecies would secretly be worded in a way that would work also for Paul. Something like the people looking for 'a blue eyed foreigner', then giving Leto naturally blue eyes, but having a naturally brown-eyed Paul eventually obtaining them from the effects of the spice. All to heighten the tragedy of House Atreides inevitable fall. *EDIT: Thanks to a comment by u/Ok-Introduction8837, I realize that attempting to make Duke Leto a decoy main character is a little off brand for Dune. So scratch that part. Instead, he will still have a stronger plotline, but will obviously be doomed right from the start. Less twist, more tragic figure. As these plotlines progress, so will the stakes. Leto is struggling to finance all the repairs and his investigation into the accidents reveals evidence of saboteurs on the planet. All evidence points to Harkonnen interference, but he senses something more is going on. The locals appear hesitant to speak to him, the few agents they caught all fought savagely until they killed themselves, and he keeps spotting strange faces amongst the crowds. Eventually he finds out that there are Sardaukar on the planet (perhaps repurposing the hunter-seeker assassin for this). This immediately raises the stakes for Leto as he originally thought that he was simply dealing with the Harkonnens. Even if he suspected that the Emperor wanted to weaken House Atreides, he never imagined direct action on his part like this. A Sardaukar agent on Arrakis is grounds for war between the nobles and the Emperor. But for now, in case he is wrong, he holds his tongue. Which he will regret later. Jessica learns of how the Fremen people view her and her family, and upon taking that role, is informed by Shadout Mapes of the existence of a traitor early on (as opposed to Paul, who does nothing with that information anyways). That information is all but confirmed when the Bene Gesserit send her a message warning her to keep her son's bloodline alive at all costs. She pursues her investigations on House Atreides retainers, but that makes them suspect her as an agent of the Emperor instead. Importantly, for the sake of heightening dramatic irony, she will actually find reason to suspect Yueh, but will decide to go against her instincts. Which she will regret later. Relative to the other two, Paul's story will be the most 'lighthearted' storyline. At least as much as Dune can be. He will be the one most curious about Arrakis and the Fremen, learning their culture, and the mysteries of how many might be hidden in the desert. He will also be the one to find the conservatory (as Jessica does nothing with the place anyways) and as he is trying to figure out where these plants come from, how they fit into the world of Arrakis, he will be attacked by the hunter-seeker there. After surviving, he will begin to have more vivid dreams of Chani and Jamis (which is a choice that I copied from the movie). Chani won't say much, but Jamis will appear to him as a friend, hinting at Fremen dream of transforming their world. He is also plagued by ominous feelings of disaster on the horizon, but dismisses them. Which he will regret later. As you can see, these are simply expanded versions of what already happens in the book, with a little bit of swapping here or there. They will converge during the dinner scene, which was also the penultimate scene before the fall in the book. Now, the original dinner scene was interesting, artistically speaking. There's a lot of subterfuge, double meanings, and internal dialogue that we get from a wide cast of factions. But in terms of plot, nothing of importance happens except for Kynes revealing the potential for a water-filled Arrakis. The scene also completely failed to arouse a sense of dramatic tension, no worry about Dr. Yueh's betrayal, no calm before the story, nothing. This is the scene right before everything goes to shit, and it doesn't feel any different from any other scene. In my Kaizen version, I think things are different. I up the ante to three reveals, each the end of a multi-sequence plotline. First, Paul finding out from Kynes that Arrakis has enough water to cover its lands like the conservatory and that there are actually millions of Fremen living in the desert. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. They may just have allies. Second, Leto figures out from the Guild representative that they had recently arrived in one of their huge freighters, which is large enough to ship a massive invasion fleet. Who could afford such an expense but the Harkonnens and the Emperor? Their enemies are at their door. Third, as Jessica scans the table looking for subterfuge, she finds evidence hidden agendas all around. The girl is trying to seduce Paul. The Guild rep is afraid of Kynes. But when people begin collapsing, she realizes it all to late. The enemy is already in the house. It was Dr. Yueh all along. He had poisoned the water they all drank. (bonus points for the implication of poisoned water on Arrakis, and the heart attack Yueh must've had when Leto makes everyone pour out some water onto the floor) Right as they receive the information they face their problems, Yueh betrays them. Not anticlimactically, once they've all gone to bed, but right in front of their eyes. And what follows is similar to what happened in the book, except I shifted some scenes from Book Two into Book One (like it was done in the movies). The Harkonnens and the Sardaukar invade, and House Atreides is slaughtered. Kynes and Duncan Idaho die helping Jessica and Paul escape (this part was originally in Book Two) while Yueh takes the Duke to the Harkonnens. Jessica and Paul are chased as they flee into the desert in their ornithoper, until they realize that they have to dive into a deadly storm to evade their pursuers. As Paul hesitates, the Duke breaks the poisoned tooth that Yueh gave him in an attempt to kill the Harkonnen Baron, and dies. Paul senses this, that he no longer has a home to return to, and flies into the storm. (bonus points for bringing things full circle, as Paul flies into the storm quoting 'Fear is the Mindkiller' which is what he quoted in start at the gom jabbar ritual) End of Book One.
Conclusion
My brain is fried. So this post will end with Book One for now. I hope you can see that I'm mostly shifting scenes and building plotlines so the story has momentum and timing, and hopefully the sense of tragedy is heightened because our main characters were so close to survival. Otherwise, the broad strokes of the story are completely unchanged. Certainly none of Dune's iconic style needs to be lost with these changes. However, here's when things get complicated. Act One, I had a clear vision for how it could be done better. But Act Two is my favorite part of Dune, and when I read it, I don't really get a sense that much needs to be changed. I also get the sense that if Act One was written like I suggested (which is a more conventional presentation of conflict and plot) readers would get whiplash from transitioning to the much more subdued Act Two. Does that mean I need to add 'direction' to Act Two? Is value lost when Dune's story is made less indecipherable? Like I'm making a puzzle easier? Don't even think about asking me about Book Three. It's like when you make a wrong turn early on into a route. Only a couple miles and already, all your surroundings are unrecognizable. All I know is that I won't have a toddler kill Baron Harkonnen and that I reserve the right to abandon this project at any time. Thanks for reading! Let me know if you have any thoughts!
A lot of fantasy discussions have been centred around magical weapons; swords and whatnot. But what about fantasy armours? I grew up with Saint Seiya/Knights of the Zodiac in which magical knights (dubbed as Saints) don magical armours (dubbed as Cloths) with constellation themes, blessed by gods such as Athena and Poseidon. These Cloths in general divided into several tiers, from the lowly Bronze to the divine God Cloths. A Saint's Cloth and their fighting style are inseparable since the Cloths are aspected to certain elements/themes. Naturally, I was drawn to other magic armour-themed shows such as Ronin Warriors and Shurato. There's also the iconic Guts and his Berserker Armour. From sci-fi, there's also Dune's classic Stillsuits which are all about survival in unforgiving Arrakis. There's also the Mandalorian armour with its beskar steel and signet lore. In recent works of progression fantasy as well I notice the importance of magic armours, such as in Cradle and Mage Errant. I think I'm drawn to those magical armours since they often inform the donner's worldviews and fighting styles, hence their core themes or arcs. In visual media, I just find their aesthetics very pleasing. What are your favourite fantasy/sci-fi armours?
I can't name a single book that destroys it's own universe, characters and mythology as ruthlessly and badly as Children of Dune.
Okay, maybe Star Wars 9, but this isn't a movie subreddit. Long post warning, but I hope that's okay here where people like to read. Obvious warning: heavy spoilers follow for DUNE 1, 2, 3 books.
My interpreation of DUNE and DUNE: Messiah's ending and character arc for Paul
To me, the story of Paul Atreides is a sort of classic rise and fall story, that doesn't neccessarily have a tragic ending. While Paul eventually does fall from the position of power, it's his own choice. Here is a character who we meet during his early 20s, facing that since the idea of his conception was born, there was a path intended for him to walk on. He struggles to accept walking on his path but circumstances and the need to survive eventually launches him on this path all the same - and he becomes Emperor of all mankind across the galaxy, a sort of demigod who can foresee the future and therefore his rule eternal. I loved the idea that this actually bothers him, and as years and decades pass he suffers more and more from being unable to live his life the way he wants to: to be a loving husband to Chani, and live with the immesurable weight of ruling the entire galaxy thrown off his shoulders so he can be finally free of it, and become a father. Which of course, happens but not entirely as he foresees it, and that is the cataclysmic event in both Messiah as a book and in Paul's life. He expected Chani to give birth to a child, but instead she gave birth to twins - which Paul could not foresee. The emotional weight and beauty of his relief, to me, hit with the strenght of an avalanche. He can be wrong. Intial shock to both Paul and me. He can be wrong. The thought settles in. He can be wrong! As I imagine him smiling with joy as Frank Herbert subtly unfolds the whirl of emotions he goes through, I find myself being just as happy for Paul: he was finally free. He found a true justification to leave everything behind, because if he isn't infallible, if he isn't unerring, then the duty he thought to be his - to use his abilities and power to lead humankind towards it's best possible future - is not his at all. That weight was finally off his shoulders. However, Chani died during childbirth. Suddenly the life he wanted with her was no more, and he found himself void of purpose, and he realized: this is life. Letting go, of control, of influencing the future he foreseen all his life. Would all this had happened, had he not foresee them? By traing to avoid certain events he thought he foreseen, maybe he orchestracted them happening unintentionally? This cannot go on. This must not be allowed to influence and control the future of his children and by extension, mankind itself. In uncertainty lies infinite possibilities. He wanted this freedom and chaos, this lack of control, the natural course of life to return to the galaxy, realizing how wrong he was all this time, fearing the thought of the damages he has caused to humanity in his hubris, ruling with an iron grip. He really believed all his life, that he is doing what's best. So he chose exile. Without supplies, he wanders out into the desert, alone, blind both literally and figuratively, happy and content, welcoming death, so he can finally rest. It was a beautiful ending for Paul Atreides, in my opinion.
The friends we made along the way.
I want to put the sidecharacters in contrast of who they are in DUNE and DUNE Messiah, and how DUNE: Children of the Dune made nearly all of them act absolutely unreasonable and against the very core of who they are, and in the center of it all are the children of Paul, the living embodiment of pointlessness (Ghanima) and the author's ludic daydreaming self insertion of thought farts (Leto II). But let's go through in order.
Duncan Idaho: Loyal servant to late duke Leto Atreides and his entire family, a friend and sort of mentor to Paul, he died protecting the young Paul against the overwhelming sardaukar assault that tried to wipe out House Adreides. Resurrected and brainwashed as Hayt, an agent of Ix who's very purpose of existence was to earn the trust of now Emperor Paul, get close and assassinate him. Instead, despite the thorough training and programming, his original personality - soul if you will - breaks through and Duncan Idaho, now also a mentat, truly returns and remains an ever loyal friend and bodyguard. In Children of the Dune, Duncan is banging Paul's sister, Alia. When they grow apart and their relationship gets cold (because Alia's mind was secretly overtaken by baron Harkonnen who's genetic memories live on in her DNA) and "Alia" cucks him, he goes to Stilgar, and trashtalks him so hard, so relentlessly and deeply offending him on purpose to get himself killed, that Stilgar eventually kills him. Why? Because Duncan wanted to piss off both "Alia" and the fremen, his intention being that the latter will turn their backs on Alia and eventually rise up against "his" rule. Because simply explaining the situation... would've worked all the same, but Herbert has a thing for killing Idaho and writing a disappointing ending to all characters in this book.
Gurney Halleck: Another forever loyal servant and friend to both Duke Leto and Paul, another mentor figure to Paul. He always was old and reclusive, but became more so after the events of DUNE and DUNE: Messiah. The loss of Leto and Paul broke him, he became tired of just all of it and travelled back to Caladan...... where he is banging Lady Jessica. Appears so that every trusted old friend of Leto is hellbent on banging either his "widow" (technically never married but still...) or his grand daughter. What the hell? Why write highly honorable characters who hold tradition and family, loyality and morals in high regard if they become puppets of the author's questionable age gap justification sex fantasies?
Lady Jessica: Lover of the departed duke Leto, mother of Paul Atreides. So far she is the only reasonable character, spending the first half of the book doing precisely nothing but being terrified of Leto II, because he is as wise and cunning as an old man at 10. I don't quite understand why is it a shock to her, because the exact same thing happened to both herself and her daughter, Alia. Once she discovers that Alia is beyond saving after the baron's corruption, she leaves Arrakis to teach the son of the Padisah Emperor, the heir of the previous dynasty Paul usurped. This was a pretty cool part of the book, and I admit I am at fault for not remembering why she opposed her own grandson's transition to the throne but propably had a good reason (forgive me I've finished this book like 6 months ago)... and even if Leto II was scary as hell to her, why not support Ghanima instead of the sworn enemy of your family?! What makes a raging power hungry vengeful teenager who sold out his own mother at the first chance of getting training and power a better candidate?
Ghanima Atreides: There isn't much to say about Ghanima sadly. She is of course another mixed personality copy of Jessica / Paul / generations of fremen knowledge, with her own personality added to the mix. Which is mostly, being silent and relatively comfortable to be around. The definition of a wasted character. Jessica's role in the first half of the book is being the reader: someone who can Leto keep on his/her toes by secretive nonrevealing monologues that borderline on "wannabe smug edgelord" syndrome. Leto has to talk to somebody, who just sits there, does nothing at all, and recieves all he has to say. However, Ghanima's role doesn't go beyond this whatsoever in the entire book. I am dead serious, her entire existence has no reason (other than another incestous fantasy of Herbert being mentioned a couple times), she does nothing, is kept in the dark by everyone, and watches as a bystander. At the end of the book states her role was of paramount importance, because she could not know he was alive. That's it, her role was not knowing something so nobody could get the info out of her. That's the significance of Paul's surprise daughter. (slow sarcastic clapping).
The Preacher / Paul Atreides / Leto Atreides II
Which brings us to this "trio" of characters, finally. First of all, I'll say the obvious: bringing Paul back was a huge mistake in my opinion. He simply did not need to return, and his intention to return at all from the desert to interfere with the events goes against everything he left for in the first place. His return feels like a violation of his character by Herbert for another self insertion to preach about various ideologies regarding statehood and religion. We did not need to have Paul's beautifully finished journey and it's ending just... made nonexistent and pointless for that, we could've had another character to be Herbert's voice that opposes Leto II. For example, Ghanima. So a character so underutilized and such a low hanging fruit for contrast to Leto II. Their repeatedly emphasized strong bond was something Herbert could've tear apart slowly as Ghanima could've fulfilled the role the Paul did instead. And with that, we arrived to Paul and how his ending in Messiah is utterly destroyed, humiliated, desecrated and getting shit on. He admits(!) that he did not leave because of what we were lead to believe in Messiah, but because he was terrified of doing what his son is about to do: become slug Superman. No, not because of the emotional weight of feeling responsible for the future of the human race in the galaxy, or the wear of (several) lifetime's rule, or losing Chani, or not wanting to influence where civilization is headed. No. He was afraid of becoming a slime and slug covered Superman. Because ewwww, nasty. Just... why? WHY?! Why do this to Paul's ending, to destroy it like this? To be replaced with... being grossed out by the idea of becoming slime covered Superman? He even could've returned as the Preacher and do all of it he does in this book the exact same way, die the exact same way as he did (murdered by the angry mob on the streets during the riots against Alia / Harkonnen's rule, the system he built, the riots he orchestrated, that was actually a good way to say goodbye to Paul, but nowhere near as good and impactful as Messiah ending). Did I mention that Paul did try to talk Leto II out of wanting to become slime Superman? Whatever happened to not influencing what your children want to do with their lives? His own son calls him a failure for not choosing that path, as Frank Herbert casually destroys the iconic mythology of the sandworms, killing two birds (legendary definitive parts of Dune: Paul and the worms) with one chapter: worms are not worms. They are the combination of thousands of slime slugs (perches if I translate it back from hungarian translated version, but their extensive description is more like slugs) living in symbiosis, creating a connected neural system which Leto intends to be part of, becomes part of, becomes a naked slime covered creature ( this is how I imagine it, except you know, he is 10: https://hu.pinterest.com/pin/230105862188373572/ ), superjumps / flies / runs through half the planet to kick down the door of the throneroom in Arrakeen, throw this several ton heavy door towards the bodyguards of Alia to slice them in two for added dramatic effect, everyone's jaws drops, he cucks the Padisah price into becoming the historian you've seen quotes of, the end. BECAUSE GOLDEN PATH! Edit: oh and you want to kniw what the Golden Path is? This path, the only path humanity should walk on? Well good luck because you won't find out, unless you buy the next issue! Shameless "career-writing", when you have one breakthrough and keep making sequels to sell it with the title only, no matter how much you destroy what made it great before. Cough Star Wars Sequel trilogy cough
Dune 4.
Even if it wouldn't jump 4000 years into the future killing off everyone who was lucky enough to survive Herbert's humiliatingly out of character murder spree, making Leto II the only character (maybe Ghanima too? Not sure if she lives, I try to avoid spoilers) to continue rehashing and rewording the same religious and state related ideas and criticisms, I'd be still completely, utterly devoid of any interest in this story. I'm sure Frank Herbert would find a way to take another giant stinking pile of shit on the previously beloved, now long gone characters or the very foundation of his universe, spice and worms. I'm... just out. I've not read a single book in my life that put me off an entire franchise like this.
[SALE] Nendoroid Clearance - Miku, NGNL, Konosuba and more
Doing some spring cleaning in advance for 2023. Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/LOUYFV2 Prices indicated here are exclusive of shipping. All Nendoroids are shipped directly from Singapore so assume a delivery fee of approximately ~USD 20 for each box to CONUS. I will provide an accurate quote when I get your address details. I will be invoicing via PayPal G/S in Singapore Dollars (SGD) equivalent based on current forex rate. Miku Nendoroid (Brand new and sealed):
Do note that international shipping carries some risk, there might be damages to box during transit. I will be doing my best to make sure these are packed properly, please only trade with me if you are comfortable with this. Photos of the existing collection with latest timestamp will be provided before your payment. All shipping trackers will be provided. Edit: Please drop me a PM, not the chat thingy. Edit2, SOLD Items:
More of a challenge than an actual fight, but I will add a couple of combat scenarios. Pretty much the title: an Eliksni house from Destiny (we'll use House Light but beefed up a bit) decides to settle (for lack of a better word) on Arakis from Dune. Let us say they come with 2 Ketches, a couple dozen Skiffs, enough Servitors to make sustenance a non issue (edit: meaning all adults will be Captain-sized or larger), plentiful Shanks and a handful of Walkers. That means a few hundreds (generation one). Travel would mostly be done either by ship or by Pyke. This is Arakis under Harkonnen rule. No Paul, no Bene Gesiret training for Fremen. For simplicity, let's assume Shields work on small arms (Arc spears, wire rifles etc) as they do on small weapons In Dune, but they will not stop Scorch Cannons or ship grade/walker mounted weapory. House Harkonnen will try to cover the alien infestation up, as to not appear weak. Round 1: Eliksni and basic survival Round 2: the fremen try to chase out/ eliminate the Eliksni Round 3: House Harkonnen will try to exterminate the Eliksni
Love is like a grass, it can grow anywhere: Recap of Before the 90 Days S05E11
Kim wakes up looking sated and younger, after a fine night of draining Usman’s life essence before tossing him into the pit with the other podlings. “Need…blood…transfusion…” Usman feebly points at the cooler of O+ under his mixtape. “Did you want to have sex again?” Kim is confused by the gesture, so Usman goes to sleep with his eyes open. Kim starts to detail their sexual gymnastics, when a producer steps in to remind her that Usman’s first grift inspired a Change.org petition demanding all future cast refrain from referencing “riding dirty,” or “bareback bouncing,” especially when the promise of fluid exchange is used as loyalty insurance. “Oh, that’s okay. This is about yams. African-sex is different,” Kim is ready. “Like for starters, you keep your clothes on, skip the tit grab, and yell your own name when you orgasm. I mean, in America we call ‘no foreplay’ an insult you don’t listen to twice, amiright?” “We had sex four times,” Usmamn gasps, as he reaches for his second bottle of electrolytes. “With African-sex, one thrust is one sex. So I go like one, two, three, four sexes. It felt like a baby crowning, I’m sure of it. Ask Kim.” “I won!” Kim has this thought all by herself. With her sexual order finally filled, Kim is ready for “How is this going to work?” — a standard conversation between two people who haven’t gotten out of bed yet. Usman wonders what the fuck she’s on about, and Kim asks for his schedule for the next 18 months, a tally of his prophylactic inventory, and a list of potential pet names. He insists that she just slow down and consider enjoying things, and one day he’ll thank her for all her help as he gets his grammy. “I’ll be there when you get your grammy, cause I got the yammy last night!” Kim cackles. “Yes, but I did not invite you,” Usman reminds Kim. “And you were going to be there anyway.” “What?” Ben thinks he heard someone call his name. “M’HOG-any, is that you?” . Kim reminds Usman that this is a working vacation, and he should plan to have sex with her every night for the rest of their time together. Then they head to Arrakis to check out the spice farms. “The spice extends life. The spice expands consciousness. The spice is vital for space travel,” Princess Irulan explains. She introduces nutmeg and cardamom, and Usman and Kim wonder if their age difference is surprising. The Princess says, “Love is like a grass, it can grow anywhere.” Kim and Usman receive grass crowns to celebrate their kingdom of anywhere, and Kim is so happy that Usman knows it’s the right time to talk about his music career, and a song he wrote about another woman. “You might remember Zara,” Usman says, as 90DF dutifully shares the same photos of her again, in case anyone at home still doubts her future appearance. “If you do not remember, perhaps the song can be played again. And again. And again. Let’s go to the music vi—” “It doesn’t matter so long as I keep receiving the D, yo,” Kim cackles. “I’m just kidding. No I’m not. No really, I am. Not.” It remains unclear if anyone else is in a relationship with Ben, but he’s not going to let that slow down God’s plan, or stop him from describing his first wife as a speed bump. Ben envisions a future that involves M’hog asking him to take his shirt off in the middle of dinner, so he’s prepping for the occasion by polishing himself with a mitten. “My MUA gave me this,” Ben explains. “I’m not sure why she was laughing at the time, but I feel more confident when I apply someone else’s skin tone. Hmm. She said this would make me sparkle on the inside, not on the outside. I KNOW that’s what she said. I never hear selectively. Hmm. Yep, that’s definitely glitter. Can everyone hold up a lint roller, and I’ll run through like it’s a carwash?” “CAR-WASH! CAR-WASH!” The crew’s chant does nothing to convince the producer. “This is called a compression shirt,” Ben offers the formal name for his muscle condom. “Shoot. I put it on inside out. This could be a problem. Can you guys see my organs? Really?” “Dude, I’ve had my eyes closed since you started mitting,” camera #1 is no help at all. M’Hog meets Ben on the dock, and he greets her with another of his smother-hugs. “I DON’T WANT TO LET YOU GO!” Ben warns. “That’s why I didn’t give you my home address,” M’Hog whispers. They sit down to eat, and Ben is up for a culinary adventure. “I hope it’s not too spicy,” Ben is nervous. “All I have in my spice rack at home is a bottle of ketchup and the garlic salt I can’t use if my mother comes over. Oh my God!” Ben pours a container of yogurt on his tongue. Ben shares with Mahogany his unwavering belief that she desperately wants to be with him, and the only thing standing in the way is a meddling dad who doesn’t understand that everyone should automatically trust him. “It’s clear they have a lot of influence over you,” Ben cult leaders. “That’s my job. Can I meet your parents and assure them that I’m only a 50-something American seeking a 24 year-old for the best reasons?” M’Hog’s a secret realtor, and thankfully has an empty staged apartment she can use for this meet-the-parents scene. Ben comes over and finds the lack of art comforting, but gets suspicious when he spies a room with bunkbeds that M’hog says are for very small guests. He thinks it all looks rather expensive for someone jonesing for a $1K loan. “Where do your parents sleep?” Ben asks. “Oh. They don’t stay here,” M’hog says. Ben looks at her in confusion, and says he swears she said they lived together. M’Hog reminds him that she just repeats back an approximation of what he says, and Ben says that’s how he knows this is so right. Then she dares him to pronounce her name correctly, and Ben is grateful when the doorbell rings and it’s the parents. The parents look suspicious, but sit down for awkward Spanish conversation hour with this guy who definitely has a history distributing pamphlets. “I still present-o mas? Mucho effort than any otra hombre this season,” Ben has a point. “Do you have questions for me?” “Lots of questions,” mom responds. “Why?” Ben is lost. “Dude, do you know how old you are?” Dad is going to need to see an IQ test before he can endorse this union. “Love knows no age,” Ben explains. “You don’t know how old you are?” “No, I just don’t need to know what her age is so long as she looks several decades younger.” “He has the mind of a child,” Mahogany explains. “Love is like a grass, it can grow anywhere,” Princess Irulan feels like setting some minds in motion. “Why are you taking this simple man’s money?” Dad has concerns. In a very rehearsed fashion Mahogany’s mom leaks that she’s 22, not 24, which pushes Ben to his acting threshold. He says he needs to excuse himself from this job interview, and that the fake age, apartment, and other lies make him want to go back to his hotel, so he can pray about her controlling parents and how to make Mahogany feel safe. Gino and Jasmine are happy again, so they’re no longer qualified to stay on Meltdown Island. They pack up, and Jasmine sheepishly admits that she swiped a shirt from Gino so she could huff his husky man-scent and dream of chapstick and man-sandals if they were over forever. Gino says he was collecting artifacts, too, and found one of her fingernails on the floor that he squirreled into his suitcase. “I know it was your fingernail because I bit into it, and it didn’t taste like mine,” Gino ginos. “I thought I would hold onto it in case I needed to hex you or something. It should be right under this avalanche of embezzled hotel pens. I don’t know how they got there!” They check in at their post-island hotel, which is close to Jasmine’s mother’s house. Jasmine entrusts her luggage to Gino while she marvels at the view, and Gino wonders if the hotel would object to his plans to toss a grappling hook over the top banister as part of a DIY luggage pully system that could benefit, like, everyone. “Maybe if I toss in a few pens,” Gino potatoes. Gino is going to meet Jasmine’s mother, but not her children, since Jasmine has arranged for them to stay with her ex, because she’s not ready for Gino to meet them yet. “I don’t want my kids to meet a man I’m not 100% sure about,” Jasmine says. “Whoa! What just happened here?” Shaun is shook to the core. “Am I bleeding from my palms?” “I don’t see why that should stop your kids from calling him daddy,” Nicole is lost. “Why are there so many yams in this produce section?” Before this intro Jasmine seems sleepy, and Gino encourages her to rest so he can sneak away and buy her a ring. “Can you take me to a jewelry store?” Gino asks the driver. “Preferably a place with ‘mart’ or ‘pawn’ in the name.” No shade, we shop there, too. Gino is a bit uneasy about ring shopping on an unemployed budget, but he has some making up to do, and he wants Jasmine to have the best ring without an adjustable band visa and mastercard can afford. “Ooo. Yikes,” Gino balks at a pricetag tickling the tittie of $1K. “Do you have anything that comes with a confectionary wrapper? No? Anything that looks really nice, then dissolves? Something that glows? How about something that will turn her finger green, but only a little?” “If you don’t ask me which one is cheapest again, I have this brochure about blood diamonds to help you explain why there isn’t one,” This salesman smells victory. “Sold!” The cards go flying as Gino wades through an assortment of triumphant gestures before settling on a fist bump. Gino grabs some chocolates for Jasmine’s mom, and requests Jasmine’s assistance with writing a tender card. “Thank you for creating such a wonderful daughter. Weird drawing,” Jasmine reads, and despite the mockery seems to find this very endearing. “Is that a smiley face?” “Sorry. I tried to draw my own likeness.” From there Jasmine slow-walks Gino to a stage-4 anxiety attack about meeting her mom, detailing the ways she’ll scrutinize his behavior, and what kind of protective gear he should bring to shield himself from body blows. Once he looks like his soul is going to rattle out of his body, Jasmine asks if he plans to keep his hat on. “Are you fucking kidding me?” The anxious masses roar to life. “Dude is freaking out, and you are demanding the removal of his weighted head blanket? The security hats he probably has stacked on his head, just in case you try to remove one again? YOU HAVE CHOSEN THE WRONG BATTLE!” (Seriously, either build the man up instead of freaking him out, or let him have his comfort item, wtf.) In a quest to empathize with Ximena, I cooked a theory for her sudden, drastic behavior change. Come along on this fictional journey: Ximena and Mike agreed to film for the exposure and the cash. The exposure is easy, but the cash is more complicated, since 90DF pays the person who can be paid, for the episodes that are aired, and that’s it. My guess is that Mike agreed to split the money with Ximena, but when the time came instead of giving her half he declared that money was “theirs” (or something) and would use it for their wedding. She sees this as controlling how she spends money that she sees as hers, and since it no longer matters materially (to her) whether or not they get a multi-season arc, she’s retaliating by humiliating him. Plot twist: She’s just a dick! Meanwhile, over in Actual Show: Ximena is still recovering from cocaine, keg stands, and dick riding, so she’s less than thrilled when Mike wants to take her to try on a dress she’ll never wear, instead of someplace practical, like a plastic surgeon’s office. Ximena’s mom and sister can’t be there, so Ximena is relying on insight from a salesperson for Mike’s potential purchase. She tries one on and comes out and does a half-hearted swish and twirl, while Mike stares at his phone in the waiting area, doing anything but learning Spanish. She’s done, and wants to talk to Mike about what she considers a more practical investment: Boobs. Ximena says that Mike should take the money he was going to spend on the dress and just give it to her, because then she can get the boobs first and the dress never. She says that boobs will really help her launch that neck-down modeling career she’s been pursuing since Mike’s dad advised him to cut her off. Mike is starting to think she doesn’t care what he thinks, and their future isn’t on her mind. “It’s probably her father,” Ben is on the case. Later on, Ximena pushes it further by telling Mike that she plans to sleep in the bedroom with the kids, and Mike and his poo-shoe can sleep wherever the fuck she’s not. Mike asks to talk to her without the underage audience, and the kids scuttle off so that mom can passive-aggressive her way into larger titties. Once they’re gone Mike asks if they’re going to fuck-it-out at all, and Ximena responds that she doesn’t want to, and Mike would like to know why, and if she could explain it in a way that makes everyone at home wonder what they’re editing out. “You are weird,” the romance begins. “You mimic me. If I stop eating, you stop eating. If I go to one side of the room, you go to that side of the room. The constant ‘te amo’ is stressing me out. You’re trying to gorge at the buffet because you were starving for too long, but dude, you’re gonna get sick.” “Okay,” Mike is a fighter. “I’ll change my entire personality. I’m sorry for being myself. Is there anything else?” “Well, really this is about my surgery…” Ximena thinks that should just be the echo around all this. “But meanwhile, I do not want us to get married yet.” “So, te amo,” Mike likes to lead with his feelings. “Do you te amo?” “No. No te amo,” Ximena is still so high from the night before that she doesn’t notice she just evicted herself. Memphis meets Hamza on the roof, where he’s been doing laps to increase his heart rate in case he needs to escape at a sprint. He expresses trepidation about their forthcoming nuptials, and despite his outfit, asks to slow down. Memphis tells him he’s not nice, because she lives in a world of lies, and follows with a more reasonable complaint that a lot of prep is involved in this, and he basically wasted her time. “I’m afraid of you,” Hamza is too honest for this dark place. He says that he doesn’t want to end up like her ex-husband, and he doesn’t want her to leave him. “You have to trust me. No matter what I do,” Memphis insists. “YOU not trust ME,” Hamza is not letting it slide that easily. She asks if it’s about the prenup, and he says he doesn’t care about the effing paper dividing her nothing into something, he just wants her to trust him. Memphis insists that she does trust him, as long as he marries her before he has time to think. Memphis realizes that all this honesty means she really needs to spill the beans, so she tells Hamza that there’s something else she needs to tell him. She says that when they first started dating she stayed at her ex’s house for four nights, but they didn’t have sex or sleep in the same bed. Hamza is instantly livid and storms off, leaving Memphis to pursue him. Their first attempt to talk it out goes nowhere, but attracts the attention of of Hamza’s mom. Despite the language barrier, mom insists on talking to Memphis directly, so they’re either lying about Memphis’ language skills, or this lady is stubborn and (much like Memphis) believes she can yell a language into another person’s head. Hamza tells mom what happened, and she finds it unbelievable that the only person available to support Memphis was her ex. There’s more to this story, and Memphis wants to tell Hamza the truth, but not with the intense audience of a camera crew and family member. They retreat and return 20 minutes later, with Hamza showing empathy that makes him Pre-husband of the Year. Memphis explains that the first time she took her state board exams she flunked, which was devastating to her. She fell into a crippling depression that left her unable to care for herself or her children. So she moved into her ex’s house and remained in bed for four days. The reality of Memphis’ life has Hamza in tears, and when his mother prods him about her explanation, he waves off her concern. Once he says that something happened to her and it’s okay, mom seems to have enough information to at least grant Memphis the benefit of the doubt. They agree to still get married, but Hamza still wishes she had turned to him instead. NEXT WEEK: M’Hog’s friends want to know why Ben keeps calling her some strange name, Gino hopes Jasmine’s mother is feeling merciful that day, Mike recruits a friend to accurately translate Ximena’s contempt, and Kim registers a yo vote on the question of whether she looks like a fool. THANK YOU, PATREONS!
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